Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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