I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
