She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
