He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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