You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
