Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
