paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
