so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
