but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
