do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
