Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
