That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
