Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
