dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
