My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
