You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sext me about skeletons
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
soo... how was my night?
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