btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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