I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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