the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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