Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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