Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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