I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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