My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
