Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
