He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
