you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
