You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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