Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
