Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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