You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
