sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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