Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
