So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
