Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
