Just fell off a train. Bad.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
