We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize