Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
