I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
