if i can run in heels then i can drive
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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