You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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