I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
