As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I deserve this hangover.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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