My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
