I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
