Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
