You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Alive.
So much puke
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
