wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
