I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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