Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
