i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
