Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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