so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
