I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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