Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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