You made me cry and you don't even care
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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