I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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