I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Damn victory sex feels great
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
