i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
