He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
