Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
