Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
