I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
