Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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