I haven't been this sober since birth.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
