It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Shame - the story of my life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
