I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
