i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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