Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'

(312): View more from Illinois

i was like PREG?

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(515): View more from Iowa

pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show

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(620): View more from Kansas

It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"

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(718): View more from New York

...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex

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(425): View more from Washington

Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother

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(541): View more from Oregon

Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."

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(585): View more from New York

Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis

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(650): View more from California

Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them

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