Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
