You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
