i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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