after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
