How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
