my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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