I wish I only lived at night.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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