Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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