Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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