His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You can't just leave with hair like that
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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