I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
