If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
