Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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