the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We are two peas in an std pod
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
