We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
