You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
