I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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