those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
