Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
