Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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