I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize