How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
