there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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