I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
