how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
