Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
