I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
