I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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