Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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