Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
