New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
