Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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