Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
