Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize