i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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