Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
